So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
