just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
