Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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