The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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