this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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