Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
