Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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