I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
