Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize