I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
this hospital has no fireball
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
