Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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