how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize