i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
