just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
