If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
