Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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