that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize