Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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