After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
