u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
