Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize