He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
