dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
