Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
