Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize