69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
