Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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