You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
