he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
