i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize