How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
