You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
