Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
