theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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