420 ftw
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
