I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
