Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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