dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
