she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
