It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
