I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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