I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Bring me that man meat
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
