Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
