1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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