My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
