My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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