i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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