I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
