we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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