yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
