Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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