Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
