Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
