4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
