i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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