Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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