Your face is a jimmy john
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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