you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
