woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
