i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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