Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
