dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
