Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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