Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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