A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
