You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
