just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
