Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
