I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
