then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
