i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
