Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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