we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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