my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
