Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
