Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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