I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
