A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
