last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
