Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize