your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
