Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
