Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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