i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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