I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize