He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize