i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
