I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
