I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
