i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize