I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
