the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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